Behavior and Skills: Behind Every Behavior There May Be a Skill to Learn

When a child engages in a challenging behavior, our first reaction may be to try to stop it immediately. But there is another question that can completely change the way we approach the situation:

What skill might this child need to learn in order to respond differently?

Behavior does not happen in isolation. In many situations, behavior serves a purpose or function. A child may be trying to communicate a need, gain access to something, avoid or escape a difficult situation, seek attention, express frustration, or respond to something happening in their environment.

That is why understanding the relationship between behavior and skills can be just as important as working to reduce the behavior itself.

Stopping a Behavior Is Not the Same as Teaching

Imagine a child who screams whenever they want to stop an activity.

We could focus entirely on getting the child to stop screaming. But even if the screaming decreases, an important question remains:

What can the child do the next time they need a break?

Perhaps they need to learn to say “break,” use a picture or communication device, make a gesture, ask for help, or use another appropriate way to communicate that they need to step away from the activity.

This highlights an important distinction:

Reducing a behavior does not necessarily mean we have taught the child what to do instead.

Teaching an alternative skill gives the child another way to communicate or respond when a similar situation occurs again.

Our Approach to Punishment

At NeuroDverse, we do not promote punishment as an intervention strategy.

We believe there are positive and effective alternatives that allow us to address challenging behaviors while also teaching meaningful skills that children can use in their everyday lives.

Our goal is not simply to make a behavior disappear.

Instead, we seek to understand what may be contributing to the behavior and teach appropriate alternatives while prioritizing each child's well-being, dignity, individual needs, and opportunities for meaningful learning.

This means changing some of the questions we ask.

Instead of focusing only on:

“How do we get them to stop doing this?”

We can also ask:

“Why might this behavior be happening?”

“What is the child trying to communicate or accomplish?”

“What skill may still need to be developed?”

“What alternative can we teach that helps the child meet that need in a more appropriate way?”

From Behavior to Skills

Depending on the function of the behavior and the individual needs of the child, intervention may focus on teaching skills such as:

• Asking for help.

• Requesting a break.

• Appropriately communicating “no,” “all done,” or “I don't want to.”

• Waiting for gradually increasing periods of time.

• Navigating transitions and changes in routine.

• Communicating needs and emotions.

• Learning self-regulation strategies.

• Accepting alternatives when something is unavailable.

• Developing social and communication skills.

• Increasing independence in everyday activities.

The appropriate replacement skill will depend on the individual child and the specific situation.

There is no single strategy that works for every child or every behavior.

Understanding Behavior Does Not Mean Allowing Unsafe Behavior

This distinction is important.

Trying to understand the function of a behavior does not mean ignoring it or allowing behaviors that may place the child or others at risk.

Safety remains a priority.

When unsafe behavior occurs, adults may need to intervene to protect everyone involved while also working to understand what contributed to the behavior and what skills could be taught to help the child respond differently in the future.

The goal is not to choose between safety and understanding. We can prioritize safety while continuing to teach.

Teaching Skills Can Create Change Beyond One Behavior

When we teach an alternative skill, we are not simply addressing what happened at that moment.

We may be giving the child a tool they can use across many different situations.

A child who learns to ask for help may eventually use that skill at home, at school, and in the community.

A child who learns to appropriately request a break gains a communication tool that can be used when activities become difficult.

A child who develops more effective ways to communicate their wants and needs may become less dependent on behaviors that previously served that purpose.

This is why the connection between behavior and skills matters.

Instead of asking only:

“How can we reduce this behavior?”

We should also consider:

“What can we teach instead?”

Skills Loading… ⏳

Learning takes time, practice, consistency, and many opportunities.

Some skills may develop quickly. Others may require weeks or months of teaching, reinforcement, practice, and support.

Every step forward is part of a larger learning process.

At NeuroDverse, we believe in looking beyond the behavior to identify the skills that may still be developing.

Because sometimes, behind a behavior that is challenging for a child, family, teacher, or caregiver, there is an opportunity to understand, teach, and grow.

It is not only about reducing a behavior. It is about teaching an alternative.